What SEND parenting can teach us about inclusive leadership

InclusiveGrid began at the intersection of parenting, neurodivergence and professional life. Veena’s story describes navigating the SEND system for her son while working as a Tech Lead and Manager. Those worlds share a question: what happens when a person’s needs do not fit the way a system usually works?

There are useful connections to explore without assuming a workplace relationship is the same as a parent-child relationship. Employees are adults with their own expertise, preferences and choices. Inclusive leadership starts by respecting that agency.

Ask before interpreting

A missed contribution in a meeting can invite an immediate judgement about interest or preparation. A more useful first step is to ask what made participation difficult and what format would help.

Try: “Would it help to see the questions in advance, or to send your thoughts afterwards?” Offer possibilities without deciding what somebody needs on their behalf. Their answer may be different from your own experience.

Turn a concern into something specific

Advocacy often involves explaining what is happening, what has been tried and what still needs attention. That structure is useful at work too.

Instead of “communication needs to improve,” identify the situation: decisions made in meetings are not reaching people who were absent. A concrete response might be to name someone to record decisions and share them in an agreed place. Now there is an action everyone can understand and review.

Make expectations visible

Unspoken expectations create avoidable uncertainty. When assigning work, clarify the outcome, deadline, priority and where someone can ask questions. Ask them what is unclear rather than testing whether they guessed your intention.

Clarity does not require controlling every step. Agree what matters and leave room for different ways of getting there.

Support and ambition can sit together

Needing flexibility does not tell you whether somebody wants a promotion, a stretch assignment or a quieter period. Ask. A supportive manager makes space for that discussion rather than choosing a career path for someone.

The same applies to strengths. Find out what a person enjoys and does well without assigning abilities based on a diagnosis. Nobody needs to be exceptional to deserve workable conditions.

Follow-through builds trust

An encouraging meeting can still leave someone with more work if the agreed support never happens. Write down the action, the person responsible and when you will check it. If an arrangement cannot be delivered, say so promptly and discuss alternatives.

These are practices a team can build into ordinary work. Start with one: send the agenda earlier, clarify a priority or close the loop on an outstanding agreement. Then ask whether it helped.

For a practical conversation structure, use the guide to supporting employees who are SEND parents.